Going Off To Battle

Some significant things have been happening in my life lately. A month ago to the day, my heart stopped pumping for six minutes immediately after a treadmill test. That has led to an ICD being implanted in me to help regulate my heartbeat.

I've also become more curious about spiritual warfare and gifts of the Spirit. Having been blessed with a gift in the last couple of weeks has had me thinking about how God wants to use me since I've had my life extended from certain death. I've also had time to reflect on my beloved.

I've been thinking about how warriors in history dealt with relationships with the opposite sex before battle. The Greeks came to mind in thinking about history. My understanding is that when they marched off to battle they did so without women and their families tagging along. This was so that they would not be physically drained because of the women and be mentally focused on their responsibility as warriors. That mindset changed a few hundred years later when the concept of camp-followers came about for the warriors pleasure.

Sir Galahad, one of the Knights of the Round Table also came to mind. He was one of the mightiest knights. He was reputed to be celibate and pure. He was given over completely to serving the king and most of all, serving God.

I sense that God is preparing me for a battle of great proportions. I am still waiting expectantly for God to provide my beloved. I also sense though, that He is saying that's on the back burner as I am being prepared for battle. I need to focus on what is at hand and He will bring my beloved to me later.

It is difficult at best to be obedient since I've waited so long in my own mind, but obedience is what is needed at this time. The story continues.

Feelings

When she breaks your heart, she feels nothing. She moves on quickly... like nothing happened. You feel as if a piece of you is missing. You can't eat, you can't sleep. All you do is think about her, wondering if she ever misses you. You're depressed for weeks, months, sometimes longer. But then you realize what's important in life and you decide you need to worry about yourself. You soon move on... and she's stuck watching you smile... and realizes she messed up... 

She'll regret everything. - Unknown

It's been over a year since I last posted here. Nothing much has changed, except...

Why are you waiting? Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. - Unknown

I've moved on. But what does that mean? Have I completely given up? Has God lied to me? Was I absolutely wrong about the answers to my silent prayers? Do I not care for her anymore?

The answer is a strong, emphatic NO! So what does that mean?


There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind. - C. S. Lewis

It means that I will no longer let the hope of our reconciling overshadow and dominate my day to day life. It means that there's a bigger picture and a purpose for my life that needs to be fulfilled for the One that I have my hopes in. There is a purpose for my life that goes beyond the reconciliation of broken relationships. Part of that purpose is to cultivate my relationship with God.


It also means that the door is not locked. If she comes knocking, the door will be opened. There will be healing to be done for both of us. There will be prayer as well to confirm what happens will be God's will.